7 Indicators Someone May Be Passive Aggressive

Passive aggression is a behavior that has, unfortunately, become normalized in many cultures. While direct aggression is often easy to recognize, passive aggression is much more subtle and can leave others feeling confused and unsettled.

At its core, passive aggressiveness arises when someone struggles to express anger or frustration openly and directly. This inability to communicate effectively can create tension in relationships and may even be toxic over time. To help you identify this behavior, here are seven common signs of passive aggression.

1. Exhibiting Bitterness or Hostility

Passive aggressive individuals often display bitterness toward others or specific situations. This bitterness might appear as resentment when a simple request is made. Hostile undertones or an uncooperative attitude in response to ordinary interactions can indicate underlying passive aggressive tendencies.

2. Delaying Tasks on Purpose

Intentionally procrastinating or delaying responsibilities is another hallmark of passive aggressive behavior. This might look like tasks being left “almost finished” or showing no intention of completing them. Additionally, repeatedly arriving late or failing to respect others’ time may also be indicative of this behavior.

3. Giving Backhanded Compliments

A backhanded compliment sounds positive at first but has an underlying insult that leaves the recipient feeling hurt or diminished. This is often a tactic used to assert dominance or control subtly. For example, someone might say, “Wow, I didn’t think that would work—good for you!” implying that your success was unexpected or undeserved.

4. Harboring Resentment Toward Others

Frequent gossiping and negative talk about others is another form of passive aggressiveness. Instead of addressing conflicts directly, these individuals channel their frustrations into resentment and behind-the-scenes criticism. Keep in mind that someone who constantly gossips about others might also be doing the same about you.

5. Denying Their True Feelings

A passive aggressive person might avoid addressing problems by denying their emotions. Phrases like “I’m fine” or “I’m okay” when they’re clearly upset are common. Rather than confronting the conflict, they suppress their emotions and allow their behavior to communicate their dissatisfaction. This avoidance often prolongs issues and creates further tension.

6. Being Excessively Critical

Overly critical remarks are another way passive aggressiveness manifests. These individuals might downplay your achievements or refuse to acknowledge your successes. For example, they might say, “If I had that kind of help, I could’ve done it better,” or “You’re nothing special.” This type of behavior is an indirect way to express frustration or jealousy without addressing the root of the issue.

7. Complaining and Feeling Undervalued

Constant complaints and expressions of feeling underappreciated are also signs of passive aggression. These individuals often position themselves as victims, making you feel guilty or ashamed. They may frequently emphasize how overlooked they feel, even when their grievances are unwarranted.

What Should You Do Next?

While passive aggressive behaviors can be frustrating and difficult to navigate, they don’t always indicate toxic relationships. However, if these behaviors become persistent or damaging, it’s essential to address them.

If you notice passive aggressive tendencies in someone you care about—or even in yourself—start by fostering open and honest communication. Encourage direct discussions about feelings and concerns to break the cycle of passive aggression.

By recognizing and addressing passive aggression, you can build stronger, more transparent relationships that are based on mutual respect and understanding.